#and a lot of the things that are fucked are things i cant change. so thats also nice
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stranger things season one 2016 was so fucking incredible. it exists as an entirely different entity to me than the rest of the show. you literally just had to be there. to this day nothing has ever come close to the amount of universal love for a fictional story that stranger things first received. ive been chasing this high for eight years.
#ik theres a lot of young fans of this show that are teenagers rn and listen#if you were too young to watch this when it first came out I DONT THINK YOU REALIZE HOW HUGE IT WAS AT THE TIME#THE FIRST TEASER FOR SEASON TWO LITERALLY PREMIERED DURING THE SUPERBOWL#THAT ALPHABET WALL DID SOMETHING TO OUR BRAINS AND CHANGED THE WAY WE MAKE AND CONSUME SCIFI FOREVER#i genuinely believe that scene of joyce looking around at all the lights is one of the most iconic scenes in tv history#like i cant even explain it to you we lost our fucking minds over this show it was unlike anything anybody has ever seen#this was such a pivotal memory of my junior and senior year year of high school#everyone was wearing merch my teachers would gush about it in class everyone tuned in to watch the cast on fallon it was EVERYWHERE#and do not even get me started on halloween that year oh my god#it was just so fucking fun i miss it#just rewatched s1 and all i can think about is 17 year old me losing my fucking mind#its such an amazing season#i do understand why some people say they wish it stopped at season one im glad they didnt but i see where theyre coming from#stranger things#byler
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after watching 4 whole seasons in less than 2 weeks i think house md is maybe the perfect example of why we need to bring back 20+ episode seasons. like yeah sure there's a very clear formula but: there's time to add sub-arcs! motifs! weird experimental episodes! the season finales actually feel like season finales because there's enough episodes in the rest of the season for the characters to have chances to breathe without sacrificing the momentum or wasting time. it actually feels like there's a passage of time happening without the need for explicit mid-season time skips or exposition dumps because, guess what, the season is long enough that time actually IS passing. when characters change their hair or visibly start to age it feels normal because again: time is actually passing in-universe. i yearn for the days when television actually felt like its own distinct thing!!!!!!! i also yearn for lisa cuddy but that's not the point here.
#house md#amber quoting “you cant always get what you want” in wilson's heart inspired me to make this post#because yeah. Yeah. that is how you do motif#and quite frankly i do not think it would have the same punch if the seasons were significantly shorter#motif is something you need to be subtle about in tv. because otherwise it feels boring and heavyhanded and pandering#i didn't really enjoy the “people don't change” thing house had going on in s4 because that season is a lot shorter#and it was starting to feel repetitive#(although that's not the writers' fault bc i know this was a strike season)#the point is. to thread a motif in tv you have to be delicate#you need to sprinkle it in SPARINGLY and save it for when it counts#that's why the 'you can't always get what you want' motif has been going so fucking hard for me#we get it once or twice a season MAX and it fucks every single time#can't do that in an 8 episode season i fear!
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blake lets him keep it. this is a dire lapse in judgement on his part but they're just gonna have to live with it. (ids in alts)
#niksartstuffs#furry hockey league#ocs#furry art#theyre both.... like. ok.#conor is like. nice and soft spoken and awkward and sweet but then every now & then does smth SO serial-killer-esque.#and you just have to stand there like okay my perception of this kid has been irrevocably changed forever. what the fuck man.#and blake is very outwardly offputting and bitchy kind of on purpose which hides a deep insecurity which also hides a belief that he is#in fact better than everyone else which also hides a desperate need for someone to pay special attention to him. tch. typical.#then conor does pay attention to him. a lot. and blake likes conor more and more the weirder and weirder he reveals himself to be. win-win.#that being said i dont think they are getting together until they're like. 10 years into their careers LMAO. i keep making the burn slower#every time i think abt it. a couple yrs and then 10 yrs next thing u know it'll be when they're retired.#wait... coaching a team together........... no no i cant keep doing this to them. whatever actually i can have AUs for my own universe.#conlake baseball au. make that a reality.#idk what their portmanteau ship name should be. in my mind they are the obnoxious main ship that ppl with good taste ignore in favour of#blake/lucas or something. anyway. its fun meta thinking about my own work. these tags have gotten so far away from me.
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sorry him saying he has no idea where the misogyny thing comes from when ludwig just talked about how he sent him a big apology for calling his friend a whore when it was about THE WRONG WOMAN is funny as fuck
i dont think he realizes that the reason no one gives a shit about his apologies and honestly just straight up ignores them is because EVEN IN THE EVENT THAT THEY ARE TRUE he's been proven to lie soooooo many times to the point where you really cant believe a word that comes out of his mouth. he says something and im like "damn maybe i was wrong about that one... i'll look into it" and you get more info and go "oh. he just made that part up. and misworded that. and lied about that part... oh it was actually WORSE than i initially thought!"
#im sure tommy has done some dumb shit#i am MUCH more likely to believe he can change and grow as a person than you can 🧍#im willing to stick by him and watch him become a better person and own up to his mistakes#i have been trying so hard to see the good in you for like 4 years now and i just. cant. every time i think i might be wrong im right again#i HATE to bring it back to this bc it's such a non-issue and not very relevant but#the speedrun issue really was where he showed his true colors#the actual subject here doesnt matter im talking about the way he handled it. im still pissed off all this time later i'll never get over i#he cheats. BLATANTLY cheats. gets proven. sends his mob after the mods. denies everything#hires someone with all this money he has to say he didnt cheat (BUT THE GUY NEVER EVEN SAYS THAT HE JUST CLAIMS THE GUY SAYS IT)#(BC HE DOESNT EXPECT ANYONE TO ACTUALLY READ THIS DOC HE THINKS HIS SUMMARY IS ALL THAT MATTERS)#finds out he did cheat But On Accident (supposedly)#DOESNT SAY SHIT FOR MONTHS AND LETS EVERYONE CONTINUE TO HARASS THE MODS. GEO IS SUICIDAL#and then does a stream where he's like haha hey guys so umm i did an oopsie 😝 but i didnt cheat this isnt cheating it's just. lying!#anyways it doesnt matter bc this was so fun and i had a blast making content :) and besides it isnt a big deal anyways it's just a game :)#months of harassment didnt affect ME so you should be fine :D was a lot of fun thx guys :)#THAT SHIT was where i lost all respect for him#THAT was where i saw this same pattern every damn time#doesnt matter how big or small the issue is it's the same damn thing every single time#even when you're right. you've destroyed all your credibility by continuing this behavior!#yeah you're valid in thinking tommy downplaying your videos is just mean but. frankly i dont give a fuck!#you're probably right about a few other things too and again i just dont care!! he can change and grow and you never will!!!#i'm willing to give him a chance. you've had PLEEEEENTY of chances and havent taken a single one#chat#discourse#i guess? idk this is the only angry rant i'll do. i feel bad might as well add to it lmao
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not to mention the entire antaam fleet like 😭 that was the PERFECT moment to show off what the lords could do!!! The antaam fucked over rivain, theyve been a thorn in the whole nations side for a long time now, they would not pass up a chance for payback via full scale naval warfare so that the veilguard can do what they need to!! Sure dreadnoughts are dangerous but at this point they probably have tricks up their sleeve, thats one of the few things they have!
also wouldn't it be personal because does solas not try to blow up kont-aar because he's trying to 5d chess tevinter and the qunari into destroying each other. like. i know technically this would not be incredible widespread news because the attack was stopped, but i don't think the wonderful citizens of kont-aar would have missed the tsunami that nearly hit them and the shockwave that actually hit them. rumors go around. and i assume irian/vadis tell varric. who i think would tell isabela. who would tell the group she leads. who would care because ofc, they LIVE IN RIVAIN, and now know that solas and his followers thinks they can trade rivaini lives* to further his plans.
*while i also think there's probably a divide between kont-aar and the rest of the nation, it's one that the rivaini love to jump across and back over. an interesting comparison to be made here with most of rivain having similar sentiments towards dairsmuid and the chantry. like this is the country specifically mentioned to have a lot of citizens who follow the qun/are non-andrastian + it being MUCH more multicultural and accepting than other nations. any attack on rivain, even if it's a qunari settlement, would fan a lot of flames that solas cannot put out so the idea of trying to him taking multiple steps back because he didn't realise how intensely the qun/rivaini/lords would react is very fun for me. it would have been soo interesting for rivain to be a hub for efforts against solas because of how it's not influenced by andrastianism, how he (or his agents) specifically fucked them over, and (maddeningly for solas) also part of this resistance has spirits who willingly guide them against him. this could have even been a plot device where the door goes both ways and solas finds out rook's plans because he manages to eavesdrop through a seer or something.
and on the spirits. all the stuff where the mourn watch regularly communicates with spirits could have been done with rivain as well, and with different takes on being 'friendly' with spirits. iirc there's a spirit in the hall of valor which is so interesting but it's literally just there for flavour text. THERE'S A SPIRIT IN THE HALL OF VALOR THAT DOES NOTHING BESIDES LIKE. SAY HI. ??? bioware i would have liked to see more spirits and seers and the matriarchal pantheists you have talked about please. and also the idea of the peaceful qunari settlement being pushed to protect the country they are part of and what that means for them as qunari vs. rivaini. taash's storyline could have contributed to this . so A LOT less about choosing a side, more about how kont-aar has developed, changed, how rivain has influenced it and what it means to be qunari. not the qunari agents and fighters that we have seen, but their 'civillian' way of life in kont-aar.
complete waste not seeing any of established lore reflected in the lords of fortune or rivain because i stupidly actually thought we were going to see some kind of settlement and be introduced to a very different cultural norms.. in my beautiful mind i like to think taash is a little taken aback by how badly mages/elves/etc are treated. like they understood it was different outside of rivain (they would have been young when the dairsmuid circle annulment happened right? so they don't 'remember' it themself, they likely heard others talking about it when they're old enough to understand) but until they actually saw what was happening first hand, they had a weird dissonance about it. but what we got was a deserted beach, ties to another faction (wardens are fine!! they are great !!!! the fourth blight is interesting!!!! yet they are not the faction with a lack of info about them!!!!!) and also the hall of valor that exists as flavor text with nothing meaningful behind it besides a pub used in a few cutscenes and a minigame.
#it's just hard to discuss the qunari in general when it is so obviously written to be quote unquote bad#and theyre like. in veilguard. really just reduced to being an invading force. which they were before. but there's literally nothing else#not a single character that explains more about the qun or how it operates + the game presenting choices about taash#that obviously lean towards favoring rivain. god knows why. its not like we know enough about it to choose it#even a quick peek into a rivaini lifestyle would have been helpful. all we know are from lorebooks !!!!#its actually like. 'qun would have made taash into a weapon/they are actively invading treviso/theyre working w ghil+el/shathaan' etc#and then on rivain's side the points are just 'umm. well the lords are super nice. and love freedom... and its also NOT qunari!'#there ARE reasons to pick rivain just none of them are in the fuck ass game. no one who doesnt read the books would know this shit#does anyone know why the antaam are acting outside of their orders. i dont rmb if this was explained or if its supposed to be like#a very severe response to solas and defying orders to 'deal' with a threat?#but god. kont-aar as it exists is so interesting. maybe elements of like .#'the main qun ignore the changes in kont-aar/rivain because it's such an important part of their trade' situation. idk#i just cant see a lot of the extremely rigid qun followings actually meshing with this extremely 'accepting' culture that is in rivain#eg. rivaini seers allowing possessions vs. sareebas#but its said that the rivaini pantheists actually have lots in common with the teachings of the qun (?)#and again. its peaceful. most of the issues that are mentioned in games/etc are to do with the ORLESIAN chantry causing issues in rivain#so it just. makes me think. maybe things have changed and there's a blind eye to whatever happens in kont-aar#or if there are more hostilities or issues caused by their differing beliefs then it would be good to fucking like. hear about it#plus the qun in general is just. worldbuilding standpoint is like. what. im not a guy who knows too much about this part of da lore so#i had to fact check a few things while writing this response and some of the answers were like#just so unbelievable that im choosing to do whatever i want#anyways. sorry. got out of hand. let me know if anything i said isnt true#its entirely possible. my knowledge of rivain is patchwork but this is probably to do with the fact there's not a lot. yeah#god. i have to stop talking now. thank u anon for agreeing w me. sorry u asked me about the lords and i took it as an excuse#to air out my issues w rivain. because tyche was partially built up around that and then none of it even mattered#veilguard spoilers#answered#rivain
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That ended exactly how I expected it to and, as expected, I am entirely neutral on it. Wasn't a satisfying ending or a super hype ending or anything like that, literally just the ending that may as well have happened. Not a single thing surprised me that whole conclusion, it felt unfortunately predictable. You can tell he's excited for it's end though so I'm happy for Horikoshi regardless, hope he can get proper rest now.
#bnha#mha#boku no hero academia#my hero academia#mha 430#mha spoilers#bnha spoilers#spoilers#like yeah okay. quirkless. teacher. becomes hero anyway. yeah. left the ships open ended but after last chapter i expected that too.#none of the old bitches are dead somehow. literally an entire chapter full to the brim of just parallels to thw first chapter#which is a normal ending that a lot of stories opt for since it ties things together nicely. but idk. i was vaguely hoping for more?#just felt like a whole chapter of nodding my head and going yeah. yeah okay.#wish there had been something more emotional. also wish he had covered more characters endings. shirakumi got a micro panel#was hoping for a grand conclusion i guess and instead got the average shounen time skip. but ykw its better than demon slayer and narutos#so f it ill take it whatever man#i am happy its over tho. ive loved it for so long im happy i was here to see the ending live. guess I'm just bittersweet idk#still hyperfixated tho so i dont imagine my posts will change#cant wait for the art book fan book movie and special announcement tho yipeee#o shit i typed shirokimi earlier. i meant shirakumo. kurogiri. bros conclusion was a micro panel of a fucking tombstone
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Made another spindle. It's very small. Also very irregular and lumpy due to the wood (I wanted the raised brown lines to stay and erred on the side of caution in how much I cut away...but that did lead to a very irregular spindle).
It also wanted to crumble as I carved, so pretty much all the fine tuning I just did by sanding it, which helps to compress the fibers down as well as remove material without crumbling or splintering.
It really came to life when I oiled it. Probably will be best after a few good coats and some time. My woodburning kit seems to be totally gone, which is a bummer. So I'm not woodburning anymore.
Spins well. Obviously being so tiny and light it was always going to be a fine spinning spindle, but effortless thread from an unprepped piece of fleece is pretty indicative as well. I seem to find myself carving mostly thread spindles at the moment. They're always so small and light in the hand, they remind me of holding baby birds.
#hurt a lot and its the only physical task ive managed today in any capacity#and it exhausted me and im falling over frequently#just from walking the 20 steps to my lawn chair outside the gate and whittling a small spindle#my sister was suggesting activities we could do but they all require holding things really#can barely even hold my phone to type rn#i also cant stop wondering if each spindle is the last i will ever be able to carve because they are so difficult#and take a pretty heavy toll on me. really upsetting to think about because i love whittling#and in an ideal world i would spend a significant amount of time in pursuit of making spindles#but i can't and each one is more difficult and painful#this one i was wondering at what point it becomes unsafe because i lose precision with the knife#when the pain is so bad im dissociating#which i was#switched to sanding instead then#idk man. could i have a shred of certainty about my body ? is that so much to ask for ?#things change and get worse so rapidly i never even have time to adjust to my new norm#there is no norm just rapid decline#i wouldnt have pushed thru the hell that was my teens and childhood if i knew this was what was next#oh well. here i am. whittling spindles thru the blinding pain anyway#what else can you fucking do#spindle making#whittling#supported spindle#vent in tags
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Wrench looking at Literally Anything and Anyone: (Rage. Disgust. Trying to kill with his gaze alone.)
Wrench looking at Numbers:
(Well listen. Ok. This is Wrench we're talking about so still some rage and still some killing-gaze but. Softer....Soft....Reserved only for This One Guy. I know it's subtle, he's Mr Wrench. But look, see hims face.)
#jay talkin#fargo#wrenchers#see hims face SEE HIMS FACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#i got the ability to access high enough quality of my shows to screenshot so i hope we r all ready for what that means#yall yr gonna see my BOYS from my TEEVEE#n e way can i talk abt russell's performance as wrench for a bit. well im going to and you cant stop me#there is so much he does with the subtleties of expression as wrench that truly is one of my favourite pieces of television acting#i already knew he was incredibly good at conveying something as simple as the light behind his eyes changing from his role in TWBB but like#we get so much more time w wrench and hes got a lot going on under that carefully constructed persona#that i feel like his ability as an actor shines soooooooo well#hes playing a man who is making a concentrated effort to be very reserved w his expressions imo. yet you see SO much emotion#hidden in slight changes in his eyes and the smallest movement in his face. he has absolute control and awareness of such minute details#its really astounding!!!!! i cant think of many actors who have that level of skill in the face!!#there are scenes where russells face does not perceptably move and YET his entire expression changes somehow#like he can change the light in his fucking eyes he can just EXUDE a feeling so strong it can hit u like a truck#which ofc makes any more outward shows of emotion from wrench even more palpable#and part of that performance being so good is you CAN see him change his expression towards numbers vs everything else!#whatever connection these two have be it purely coworkers or romantic or what it is SOLD in wrench's subtle expressions#(and for the record im team 'married couple' bc it was innnnn the damn script. but however anyone interprets is cool no worries ok)#i couldve pulled even more examples if id gone thru more scenes but i just had this one open at the time so. <3#koff koff hack hack who said all that. mustve been a ghost. can u tell i rlly like this guys acting. i mean what. who keeps saying things
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working on some roblox ugc in my offtime because coincidentally the parts i need for my sona are fucking nonexistent on the store?? there's practically NO side shave hairs. And no good cat ears in sand blue (roblox palette color I use for her) 😭
#i cant have my fucking cat ears in pressure because they're on a custom head so i gotta make my own goddamn cat ears now#i do a lot of things for the sake of pressure#my wips#roblox dev#i dont think im gonna make a roblox dev side account on tumblr you guys are just going to be getting my journey here but ill be doing#more roblox stuff in the future. pressure fundamentally changed my mid-term life goals and im interested in going into full blown roblox de#basically you'll just get to see more cool and unique art from me i get to flex my creative MUSCLESS#unfortunately im making my ugc ears Two ears because if it costs 8$ to upload ears id like to make some robux on them and no one wants 1 ea
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Upcoming Ballad changes 👀?
#loz au#wip#Ballad (Kheprriverse)#they/he#thinking about his design a lot more >> just how some things came to be#as I change FD I also change Ballad since theyre kinda linked (lol)#the white in their hair also changed a bit. more prominent + starts on left side of their usual part#but him in his main casual outfit + the green half-tunic is now just a cloth#switched his belt coz thats been bothering the fuck outta me#also changing his biggoron sword because that fucker cant have a single consistent design#yknow after all the trouble i went through making its oh ref twice#scarred eye is now his left (he’s left handed) + starts where the eye is for uh. lore.#also he doesnt close his eye often anymore. tho i may give him some sorta patch to cover it… not sure yet. probably wont#i’ll get to his armor eventually. that ones gotta take a lot of thinking.#ballad’s kind of the main character so I do wanna get their design how i want#they’re justa dad who wants to get everything done with so they can go back to their wife and son#*dont worry about the weird coloration in one spot. i use an auto action to auto-color my line art before i go in manually*#Kheprriart
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Been thinking about idw1's outliers lately, and how sort of wild the whole concept is from a worldbuilding standpoint, and it struck me that most confirmed outlier abilities tend to be really useful, or flashy, or powerfully dangerous, and few to none tend to be like, really boring, or totally impractical, or even entirely useless? Which, doesn't really make sense when considering the fact that outlier abilities are seemingly random.
Surely not everyone who's born an outlier gets something useful?
And I don't mean like, "good" useful, but any sort of useful, even if that means you can kill people with your voice, or give a power boost by exploding yourself, those are still "useful".
But surely there had to be some with abilities that were totally impractical, or nonbeneficial, or at the very least just insignificant or purely aesthetic and pointless?
#mods. enhancements. and artificial outlier abilities are a different thing. with plenty of room for error and drawbacks#but being born inherently an outlier by the sheer whim of. idfk. primus or the planet itself. what's the chances there???#this definitely has to have been discussed before. i'm just too lazy to dig for it rn. but yeah. its a fascinating concept either way#idw transformers#tf idw1#mtmte#lost light#maccadam#maybe thundercracker's sonic booms count. but those have some use. also its funky. so he gets a pass i think#i had more thoughts about this earlier when i first jotted the thought down. but ive forgotten them now >:/#basically its just funny to think of like. shockwaves school and all. going around like ''what can you do?''#and you've got the group we see in the flashback. and then like. some guy whos like ''...i can change the color of energon''#or like. ''i can float! but only like... three inches off the ground''#i cant think of every example. but go down a list of useless superpowers and there ya go#omg. wait. if rewinds whole color changing deal was legitimately a outlier thing. i guess he would count#also. in a similar vein. its really funny to think of outlier abilities as like. stats and stuff? plus 1 to so and so but negative 1 to etc#so abilities had a sort of cost. this is smth ive seen here and there in fics and stuff. and its great.#but its sorta funny to think of working in the opposite way too#take misfire as an example. bcs its funny. negative boost to aiming. but positive boost to evasion#less of a chance to hit smth. but also less of a chance to be hit by smth#idk lol. sorry. ive been doing a lot of gaming lately bcs ✨️stress✨️. so ive got a lot of dumb stats rolling around in my head lmao#also its 4am. so... coherence has long gone to bed before me lol#struggling to sleep again tonight. but more so for anxiety reasons. all these federal job changes are hitting very close to home rn#it'll probably be fine tho. probably. got a lot of other personal shit to worry about anyways. like my fucking medical files being tossed?!#tricare when i get you. when i fucking grt you omg. i didnt even serve. why am i suffering omfg#sorry... thats off-topic. so its probably best i uh. put myself to bed. at 4am. so. goodnight and good morning 🥲👍#tf idw#tf worldbuilding
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The concept of queerbaiting annoys me. I was told that it refers to a work of fiction pretending to cater to a queer audience but then pulling back from it to avoid alienating homophobes, which is an incredibly specific thing. But a lot of people seem to think that it instead means "any time there's any gay subtex, metaphor, or ambiguity" or "whenever something from 1995-2012 was being a normal amount of homophobic for the era."
#I've secondhand seen the way Sherlock...was.#And yeah that's very pointedly cruel to the audience.#But not everything is that aware of its following to point by point mock them for half an hour.#And I think people forget that for a period there was a unique combination of awareness of gay people and homophobia bad#and a severe need to avoid being perceived as gay (and sometimes homophobic) at the same time#while it was ALSO very acceptable to treat the existence of gay people and homophobia or discomfort with both as a joke#so that whole wink wink nudge nudge dance was a huge thing in some of the 90s and earlier 2000s#and sometimes by doing that people accidentally made it seem even more fucking gay.#Or on purpose. People also forget that yeah gay people could exist as a joke but they couldn't be casual protags or w/e.#It wasn't really done like that.#I think what it's really proof of is that the 90s/early 2000s is long enough ago that people have become illiterate to the cultural cues.#When comedians complain 'you cant make jokes anymore' sometimes this is the exact thing they're referring to.#Gay people being on TV or in books isn't some funny joke you make anymore. Just being gay or seen as gay isn't the punchline it used to be.#People are shitty about it still but it's in a different way now. Being gay isn't as much the big embarrassment it used to be.#Gay tv shows and books are a whole market now. And stuff like Sherlock or supernatural were made right in the middle of that shift.#It's the only way you could position a strategy like this. I don't know if that cultural moment really exists anymore.#Audience backlash is also more massive and in real time.#Now instead of mockery at the idea of idk Dr house md being gay conservatives would see it as a 'culture war' thing.#And non conservatives are more vocal and more liable to criticize. TV shows are seen as keepers of culture in ways they weren't before.#I don't know how to describe it exactly. I'm not an expert and I know I'm missing some pieces or things I wanted to point out.#But yeah I just think people kind of. Forgot how people treated gayness as some kind of cootie disease you had to say#You didn't have really hard all the time. People are still sort of like that but idk the language changed.#A lot of talk about homophobia and queerness is very pseudo-academic now. The distancing happens with different signifiers.#But. Yeah.#☠️#I also think queerbaiting requires a specific kind of intent as a marketing strategy.#Instead of the more likely 'well we have an unintended gay following now so I guess we can throw in some fanservice#the network would literally never allow us to do anything with it even if we wanted to though.'
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i'm thiiiiis close to just blocking the whole j/v tag and/or the individual tags for both characters :)))
#and like. i do like them actually. i would have been happy to see them get together#(honestly if we get right down to it im a 'j has two hands' truther but thats besides the point)#but theyre doing that thing again where its Fucking Everywhere drowning out content i actually want to see. im irritated#i cant open the main tag anymore without seeing those two and almost nothing else and its been Months#'ummm this is the gayest thing ive EVER seen!' you just watched two women fuck on screen.#'c/v are TOXIC and so you CANT ship them' 1. wrong#2. whoooo gives a fuck. i dont care and i know you dont either#3. theyre the only canon couple who never literally tried to kill each other#'ohh theyre just Better Written!' not a new argument and not a good one either. convenient how men are always just better huh#levi.txt#yes this IS brought on by that 'i hope jakey dies' post but also its been sitting in my drafts for a month. this has Been on my mind#tldr i really just think the whole thing is a great microcosm of fan misogyny/lesbophobia#no matter what lesbians/wlw do were always going to have this impossibly high bar of moral purity/quality to reach in comparison#gotta be on screen/not queerbait but not explicit. not boring but not toxic. etc etc#and even when smth gets close its STILL never ever going to appeal as much as the possibility of men and The Implications#this is one thing im not gonna be nice abt anymore sorry. im normally pretty patient but yall get mean levi for one post#im so beyond tired of this shit in damn near every fucking fandom i join its been over 10yrs and nothing has changed#i feel alienated in just abt every popular fandom bc nobody will ever shut the fuck up abt white boy of the month no 579#it happens every time i get into smth that doesnt primarily have a fanbase of other wlw#and even then its not guaranteed that it wont eventually turn into that!#and im INCREDIBLY tired of people acting like wlw are all crazy bitches ruining everyones fun for pointing it out#anyway i might delete this later ive just been having a lot of feelings abt it#dont argue w me you cant change my mind. if you disagree simply do not interact w this post for both our sakes
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Based on my latest post I'm overjoyed that my moots (whether or not tumblr officially recognises them thx sideblog doing sideblog sht) and those who randonly stumble upon my shit are objectively some of the greatest people.
I love this weird corner I found myself in and the general mindset and views on things.
And I may be too scared nd socially awkward to approach anyone directly but be assured I'm on the sidelines rooting for folks in a very cutesy, very demure manner and y'all should feel loved.
#i expected stones to be thrown but i found understanding#what an odd thing to happen#either way even if larian fumbles and even if the purity culture swaps over here more based on us developments#i mean the tiktok ban#i shall try my best to keep the dove evermore rotten#while also indulging in the fluff y'all make#but mostly the later cuz i'm still scared of sharing whatever the fuck I've done to bg3 lmao#someone read it and even said it was good but the doubt refuses to leave#why is creativity like that why cant we just love ourselves and be confident and unapologetic about ourselves as a whole#yeah it may be shit but it was made with lots of blood sweat and love#why am i getting so profound about this what is wrong with me today#anyway someone wanna read how gortash and durge start a bitch fight with each other that never ended#and instead just festered for a few decades#including political sheming - somehow jealousy - inexplicably yearning and an overwhelming sense of tragedy and dread#cuz 40 years passed but nothing changed in fact its only starting to unravel more#'look at how far they've come and how theyre slowly slipping right back into being a monster' - the longfic#still dont know how the kid that was raised by them and a bunch more other idiots turned out as well adjusted as she is#i mean okay there may be some patricide but yk its family tradition atp#yeah okay ive absolutely lost the plot in my own tags now#anyway point stands y'all r cool nd feel loved
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does anyone else have problems like. i cant watch movies if my room is messy. i cant listen to music in the bathroom bc its like, a dirty place and i dont want the music to know im cleaning my bathroom or whatever the fuck it is. i cant write a paper in a stained shirt bc ive got these invisible eyes on me n it’s embarrassing. im exploring the idea that i might actually have OCD n not just a half hearted suggested diagnosis from when i was like 10 n this sounds like bizarre behavior so idk does anyone know anything. i would love to just live my life
#it took me years to be ok w changing clothes or eating w the tv on.#im gearing up to explain to my therapist that when i was young my main coping mechanism for abuse#was that really intense daydreaming but in particular id imagine a fictional character or someone i admired was with me at all times like.#watching. n i could talk to them in my head n live in kind of an alternate world#but then it fucked me over bc as i got older i still felt like someone is with me 24/7#like to this day i do not feel alone ever bc theres some crazy invisible audience watching me#so i already have a lot of embarrassing things ive done in front of ppl to deal with but on top of that#im just always embarrassed bc theres someone watching me like eat chips in my recliner without makeup on#its insane.#anyway i cant watch movies if my room is messy n it pisses me off. JUST RELAX
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the tragedy in night and day doesn't lie in the accident because day doesn't blame night for the accident (not really, not in the way night blames himself). the tragedy in night and day lies in day having wanted night to be his big brother but feeling like he had to take on that roll for night instead and night having wanted day to be his little brother who is as proud of him as he is of day but being unable to figure out how to get there before the accident. the tragedy lies in day not understanding why night couldn't step up until after day went blind ('im just so damn lucky to be blind') and their mother and the world started treating him like a tragedy; leaving him feeling like night has always been jealous of him and is only stepping up to take the place of the golden son of the family now that it's up for grabs. the tragedy lies in night not being able to communicate to day that he was always proud of him and that him showing up to his sporting events only after day went blind isn't because day is blind now but because he has always loved him and supported him ('this is my little brother. he's a junior athlete on the national team') but now it's impossible to convince day of his sincerity and night can't forgive himself. the tragedy of night and day lies in these brother not having been given the time to naturally grow out of this crooked brotherly dynamic that was put upon them and now they're stuck under all this weight both unable to leave the night of the accident when they're around each other. the tragedy in night and day is that tomorrow isn't guaranteed and they are too stuck in the past to look at today.
#last twilight#i have a lot of thoughts about feeling like you have to be the older sibling while you arent#i have a lot of thoughts about the sick pride and sadness that comes with being praised over your sibling for being the 'good one'#i also have a lot of thoughts about feeling like a failure compared to someone you love so deeply#about sibling rivalry and jealousy and the feeling like you are competing because of all this external pressure#when all you need is a brother#i have a lot of thoughts about a great many things concerning the mother and the father and the family dynamic and how#night and day were shaped into who they were and how it informed their relationship#about nights guilt and sadness and days anger and resentment#but in the end i just keep thinking about how day is the one who is called to pick night up when hes so drunk he cant walk#and how night gifted day a pet goldfish; named it little day and how despite days claims to hate the name and never wanting the pet#he never changed the name and watching the goldfish became the highlight of his day for a year#im very emotional about them and i need them to fucking talk soon okay
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